I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
