so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
