seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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