White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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