Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize