my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
