just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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