At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
