I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize