took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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