She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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