I must be too annoying 4 u.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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