i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize