So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
