My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize