Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
