You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
