But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
