You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
