She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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