He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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