She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize