My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize