how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am naked and annoyed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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