CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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