I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
