your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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