someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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