The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
