god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I touched a dick in church today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
