And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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