Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
