you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize