just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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