Nicole vs. Life
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We have started to decorate penises.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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