you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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