This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up under a house in Key West
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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