I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
