I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
