There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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