Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
