He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
