Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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