she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
