"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
