New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
