How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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