If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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