Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
