so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
