Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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