i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
