It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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