WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
