Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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