I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
