My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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