It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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