That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
