'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
