I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
