I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
