FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
