I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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