There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
