her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
