i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize