If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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