No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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