Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize