bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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