doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
