Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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