She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
