I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
did you just send me my own nude
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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