I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize