every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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