It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
