i think my mom watched the whole time
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
