My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
