Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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