I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
