Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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