i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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