I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can you bring me the toilet please
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
