I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
