Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
