I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
