just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Couch. On fire.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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