Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
