let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The best revenge is premature balding
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
