So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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