just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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