the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
