So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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